Dear Diary,
by Lil'Conqueror
Summary: If you'd asked me if I could, would I have changed the out-come of my life, if I had known? I would look at you with a smile, and say 'I wouldn't.' ElenaxDamonxStefan


Well, tonight is really not my night. I had already posted this story up, but I had to fix something on it, and the whole thing got deleted, luckyily, I saved most of it, but had to start from scratch on some other parts of it. So yeah, I'm really frusterated right now, and exhausted, its like 4am right now. ugh. Okay to start off, I tried making this as professional as possible. But being me, that didn't last very long. x'D I realize through-out the whole story, I spelt 'Stefan's name wrong :'( fml! I apologize for that, please disregard it. gahh! ); I'm also sorry for OOC-ness in here too. I tried my almost best. I plan to write more Vampire Diaries, so hopefully those will be better :) haha.

Oh and a friendly warning; this fic is kinda depressing. Not cry your eyes out depressing, but it just doesn't have the happy ending that I usually love haha. just warning ya. This fic is centerd around Elena and her feelings on 'forever' and of the salvatore bro's basically. haha. Kinda better then it sounds, :) Hope you enjoy it, reviews are greatly appreciated :) Thank you so much! :D

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_Dear Diary,_

_I havn't the slightest clue what's happening anymore. The term 'lost' is an understatement, of how I truely feel. My feelings, I hated them. What were feelings good for anyway? They could either make you angry beyond belief, or depressed beyond reason. And also somewhere in between, confused. Feelings were always confusing, there is no logic for it. On rare moments of weakness and 'confusion', I wanted nothing more then to turn it off. Like only a vampire could. Was I willing to hand over a forever, just to turn off these feelings? Hah, funny. Perhaps I would. Jeremy still isn't talking to me. It's been a week since he found out, the hard way, of vampires, Damon compelling him, the real story behind Vicki and her sudden 'departure'. Anna doesn't come around much anymore. And for some reason, Jeremy glares at me more often because of that fact. But I don't trouble myself in asking, because I know, all that I'll get from Jeremy is a; "Go to hell". Wonderful. ;')_

_Stefen and I have been growing apart lately too. I mean, we still see eachother often, but it feels like he's getting distant from me. Like he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And whenever I bring it up, he deny's it. Reassuring me, he's only trying to be on the safe side, on not wanting to hurt me. Something about him not fully recovered from the human blood. The human blood I gave him. My blood. I never pictured Stefen to lie to my face like that, because he's been out from the cellar for awhile, he always seems fine around human's now. But, being the respective person I am, I give him his space. Trusting his word. And not for the fact that he might be falling out of love with me._

_I don't see much of Bonnie, Caroline, or Matt either. I figure Bonnie is still upset with me, for some reason. Was it because of her grams dying? I didn't mean for that to happen. She had looked in perfect health, after the spell was done to open and semi-close the tomb. Well, almost perfect health. Apart from the ragged breathing, her slump posture, and her sweating features. Looking back on it now, I probably should have been more worried about her, then on vampire's. She may have been a witch, but she was still just human. Realizing this fact, I don't blame Bonnie's hostile behavior towards me. As for Caroline and Matt, when they're not together, Matt's either working or hanging out down at the park, shooting hoops. I sometimes see Tyler roaming around the field down there too, but never seems to find it in him to approch Matt. Possibly from the incident where Matt caught him making out with his Mom. ); And Caroline, she's either shopping or with Bonnie. How those two got close without my hanging around them, was beyond me. (A pang of jealousy hit my heart, which had me pausing. Blinking back tears, I continued to write.)_

_And Damon. Ever since he found out Katherine wasn't in the tomb, and that she hadn't botherd to come back to him, knowing full well where he was, he was either drinking his sorrow's away, downing glasses of scotch, or he was out. To God know's where. Sometimes when I came to the boarding house though, I would find women leaving the premises, in a cloudy-dazed fasion. Obviously from being compelled. But even so, Damon never stopped his snarky, flirtious, crazy comments around me. But I would never get too close to him. Having found out that he was 'inlove with me', by my birth mother. Because, even if Stefen and I weren't as close as before all of this happend, I could never do what Katherine had done to these brothers. No matter my feelings were, I wouldn't allow it._

I suddenly stopped writing, hearing a knock coming from my door. Skimming my eyes briefly over what I had written, I closed my diary. Figuring I'll write more later in it, I pushed it under my pilliow, and got up. Walking over to the door, I barely grabbed the knob, before it busted open. Catching myself off guard, I jumped back.

"Oops, sorry Elena." Aunt Jenna half-smiled, "You didn't say anything, so I thought that was my cue to come in."

I stared at her for a moment, before quickly shaking my head.

"No no, it's okay. Um, was there something you wanted?"

As if remembering why she was here to begin with, she through her thumb over her shoulder, giving me a full motherly smile. "You've been cooped up in your room all day, just thought you might need alittle real human contact before the weekend's over, and your forced to go back to a school full of robots."

A laughed, nervously. Scratching the back of my head, I walked past her, towards the kitchen. "Is that how you think of my school, Aunt Jenna? Robots?"

She chuckled and followed behind me. "Well, yeah. I mean, everyone's getting up at the crack of dawn, go to school in a robotic fasion, when really no one's brain is even functioning at that time of day. Breakfast or not."

Making my way around the kitchen, I grabbed an apple off the counter, turning back around towards Aunt Jenna, "Did you hear that from Mr. Saltzman?" I sank my teeth into the apple, taking a medium sized bite, and chewing softly.

At this, Jenna gave a awkward laugh, and I found my assumptions correct. Picturing them together in my mind, it almost made me smile at the cuteness they had. They were into eachother, but neither of them wanted to take the leap of love just yet.

Quickly changing the subject, Jenna hopped onto the counter across from me, eyeing me carefully, she boldly asked, "So what's up with you and Stefen?"

I nearly chocked on the piece of apple in my thoart. She's acting like a high school girl, like a best friend would. It almost made me sweat-drop. Keeping the thought of her not knowing about vampire's and such, I shrugged. "What do you mean?"

She coughed, now realizing she was holding her breath. What had she expected I said? Gushed to her about my love life? No, that's something only Caroline would do. It was bad enough I had people before comparing me to Katherine, there was no way in hell I was being compared to Caroline. I love my friend, but it just wasn't happening.

Meshing her eye-brow's together, she started again. "I mean, I don't really see him around here much. I hope Alaric and I didn't scare him off."

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. The sound rang through-out the house, bouncing off all the kitchen walls, and banging into my ears. I slightly heard Jeremy's door opening harshingly, his irritated voice rising over my laugh.

"Elena, shut up!"

At that, I instantly fell silent. Wincing at the harsh tone of my brother. Jenna shot her head up towards Jeremy's voice, and the sound of him slamming his door shut. She looked about ready to say something, but I cleared my thoart, grasping her attention.

"It's okay, Aunt Jenna. We just got into a fight, and it's still alittle 'ehh' between us." I replied steadily, shrugging my shoulders. Easily hiding the hurt inside.

She looked at me oddly, "Want me to talk to him? You guys are siblings, you shouldn't be fighting like this."

I quickly shook my head, no. "I don't think it'll be any help if you did. But thanks anyways."

She nodded her head. As if realization lights went off in her head, she quickly went back to our other discussion. "Soooooo, about you and Stefen?"

Taking this as my cue to leave, I flashed a fake smile her way, heading out. Lying through my teeth, I whisperd, "Were perfectly fine. The happiest care-free couple ever."

Before she could even reply back, I was out the door so fast, I almost thought I had vampire speed.

Hopping in my car, I started it up, a single tear running down my cheek. I knew why Jeremy was mad at me. I realized he had every reason to be. But his tone, his words he spoke to me, his eyes, they all held distaste, anger, sorrow, hatred. Every single rude comment he made towards me pierced my heart like an iced-over arrow. If their was one person I couldn't take being mad at me, it was my own brother. It pained me to have him hate me so, but I couldn't change the past. Everything I had done to him, I did to protect him. Having Damon compel him, was to keep him from being heartbroken by knowing the truth. I'd rather put myself through the heart break, then him. But he didn't understand that. All he could understand was that I lied to him, decieved him. But it was all to keep me safe. But he just wouldn't let me have my say in that matter.

I suddenly found myself at the Grill, it wasn't the first place I wanted to go, but at this point, anywhere but home was fine with me. I slid out the car, locking it; I headed inside. Glancing around the place, I saw no one fimiliar. Heading over to a random table off to the side, I literally fell into the seat. Crossing my arms over the table, I layed my head down, and closed my eyes. Obviously not falling alseep, but making it so outside life was closed off from my view.

"Elena?"

_'But of course I can't get away without someone noticing me.'_

I slowly opend my eyes to someone I hadn't even recongized for a moment. Sitting up, I faked a smile, again.

"Hey Matt. Did you just come in? I didn't see you before." I remarked, stifling a yawn.

He smiled back softly, sitting down in the chair opposite of me.

"No, I was actually outside talking to the guys, but I saw you pull in, so I thought I should stop in and say hi. Havn't seen you in awhile, how've you been?"

I nodded briefly, averting my gaze out the window next to us. It was probably around 5pm, at the moment. I had been home all morning and part of the afternoon. I had planned to stay in all day, but of course fate wouldn't allow that. Heavan forbid. I was supposed to see Stefen today, but he texted me late last night, cancling any plans we had today. Promising to make up for it later. Said he had school work to make up for. Which I believed, only because he was out of school for awhile because of his, ahem, vampire problem.

I sighed deeply, my eyes slightly closed. I had completely disregarded Matt's earlier question, having not even rememberd he was infront of me. Until he spoke my name, catching my attention.

"Sorry. Uh, I've been alright. Y'know, just hangingout, doing. . .stuff."

I mentally kicked myself. That was the most lamest sentence in all of mankind. That couldn't even be considerd a sentence. Matt catching onto it, nodded weirdly.

"Stuff? Sounds like fun." He chuckled, jokingly.

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Loads."

And then an awkward silence hungover. I seriously wanted to murder myself. Here I was, in front of my ex boyfriend, whom I havn't seen in what felt like forever, who was still a close friend of mine, and it was awkward. The last time we talked, it felt like we were dating again. Laughing, making jokes, just talking about life. But now it felt wrong, like I didn't want to be near him, or anybody for that matter. Like I couldn't match up to anybody's social standerds. And all it made me want to do, is fall off the face of the earth. Possible or not.

I frowned, and giving Matt the best apologetic look, I started, "I'm sorry, Matt. I've really missed you. It's just I havn't really talked to any of my friends lately, and now that I do, it just feels weird. I mean, Bonnie's mad at me for. . . some reason. Jeremy hates me. . . for some other reason. Caroline is in her own world with you. Aunt Jenna is spending more time with Mr. Saltzman. Stefen and I have been. . . on hold. And it's just, I don't know what to do anymore!"

Tears threatend to leak out, but with force, I pushed them back. I had just confessed, somewhat, to a baffeled looking ex, who was now at lost of what to say to my confession, and the worse was that I was scared of him seeing me cry? I inwardly groaned, and stood up. Mumbling out another apology, I quickly turned away. Practically flying out the Grill and towards my car. Matt hadn't even had the chance to get up, before I was driving out the lot.

I had just gotten down the street, before my phone vibrated. Slowing down, I pulled out my cell, and looked at it. A new text message.

_Elena, if you want to talk, I'll be home alone for the rest of the night. Stop by, ok? - Matt_

Stopping at the red light, I texted back hurriedly.

_Thanks, but I just want to be alone. - Elena_

Placing my phone in my lap, I stepped on the gas when the light turned green. Taking turn after turn, I realized I was on my way to my 'parent's' grave. Not my biological parents, but the only ones who could make me feel peace and comfort. But the way my mind was clouded and torn now, I highly doubted a visit to their grave would help this time. Parking at the entrance to the cemetary, I looked back down at my phone, Matt had texted back.

_Well if you change your mind, the offer is still up. - Matt_

I sighed, tossing my phone into the passanger seat and getting out the car. Making my way over to my parent's grave, the tears raced down my cheeks, endlessly. I sank to the ground, and wrapped my arms around myself. How I wish they were still alive, still here with me. Mom espicially. She always knew how to make me feel better; always led me in the right direction. Why did they have to die? Why couldn't it have been me instead of them?

I tensed up suddenly, when I hear a twig snap from behind me. Swiftly turning around, my tears starting to cease, and stared wide-eyed at my long lost friend.

"B-Bonnie?" I mumbled, quickly rising to my feet, shakily.

Said person looked me over once, taking in my distraut face, before hurriedly averting her gaze off to the side. "Elena."

I cleared my thoart, and whipped away what tears I had left. Putting on the best smile I could offer, I took a step towards Bonnie. Shifting her eyes back over to me, she held her hand up warningly.

"Elena, please. Don't."

I frowned deeply, reaching out to her. "But Bonnie..."

She shook her head, and started to walk around me. "Just, don't."

As she passed me, more tears had gathered. I spun around on my heel, and called out, "Please Bonnie, I'm sorry!"

At this, she stopped. But didn't turn around. So I continued on, realizing I had her attention now.

"I'm sorry for bringing you and your grams into this. I'm sorry that I told you about vampire's! I'm sorry that life is so messed up right now. And I'm sorry if I ever hurt you or anything! I'm just sorry!" I sobbed, staring at the ground, too worn out to do anything else.

After that, all that was heard was my ragged breathing, compared to Bonnie's steady one. She hadn't moved in inch, and I almost felt like what I said had affected her somewhat. But that thought soon faded, when she suddenly laughed. When she had finally calmed down, she faced me. A sad smile upon her lips, she explained;

"Elena, you were my best friend. And I somewhat still consider you a friend, but I just started getting my life back together. Since grams died, I've been so lost, confused, and scared. I didn't know what to do anymore. That's why I left. But I realize I can't run from my problems, and leave everyone I love here behind. So I came back. But out of it all, I came back for mostly just myself. I'm a witch, Elena. And I know your with 'them', and you are my friend, but even so, that doesn't make up for everything that's happend. I didn't know, nor did I want it to go this far. But-"

I cut her off after that, stepping towards her again out of desperation. Determination to win her trust and love back written clearly all over my face.

"I understand that, Bonnie, but please, I don't want to lose you! We've been through too much to just let our friendship go like this!" I pleaded with her, begged her to find it in her heart to forgive me. And somehow, in some odd and twisted way, I knew I was going to get my way. I just didn't know at that moment, just how much thought I'd have to put into gaining her love and trust again.

She smiled warmly at me, as if we weren't fighting, as if this world was sane again; and their weren't such things as vampire's and witches. Like the only thing that could go wrong in this world, was a bad hair day. Seeing her smiling at me again, made me relax. Almost sigh in relief.

_I'm going to get my best friend back._

But then it changed. Bonnie, once smiling gently at me, now had a dark gleam in her eye. As if she plotting something her in head. Something that revolved around me, and what felt like a big decision was going to be made.

"I will forgive you, 'Lena. . . On one condition." She stated, a slight shrug of her shoulders.

I froze, my breath halting in my thoart. Why did becoming my best friend again have to come with conditions? I inwardly thought, dreading her conditions to the fullest.

Not trusting my vocal's, I gave a short nod, urging her to continue. She smiled briefly, before walking up to me.

Only arm's length away, she whisperd, "If you want us to be best friends again, all you have to do is keep the Salvatore brothers away. They can't come around anymore. They'll keep you out of their lives and business's, and they'll be out of your life too. They stay out of our lives and business, forever." She finished, dead-panned. Her tone had dropped to a dangerous level, as if she wasn't afraid to shorten their forever.

_Forever._

How easily that word was tossed around, like it ment little to nothing, if not everything to someone. How I had pictured my forever with Stefen, and possibly even Damon. (Because, of course, he'd be around too.) But even if I had pictured it, I had never really put much thought into spending it. Was I willing to turn my back on the people I love most in this town, just to watch them die, as I never age? Was I willing to move town to town, state to state, every so often, so that no one got suspicious of me not getting any older? No permenant place to live? Watching everyone I see and know, wither away and die? Was I willing to give up my own humanity?

I then looked away from Bonnie. I couldn't face her, not after all these thoughts she's put into my head. These condition's, she want's in order to keep our friendship alive. I suddenly wanted to go die in a ditch somewhere, alone. Maybe it'd be better that way. No one would have to worry about me; I wouldn't have to fight any longer. I could die in peace, without a care in the world. I growled inwardly, how selfish was I?

Bonnie chuckled, "Oh don't stress yourself over it, 'Lena. I understand you need time to think about it. It's alot to take in, I know. So I'll can give you until the end of the week."

This wasn't really Bonnie, that much I knew. She'd probably take it back once she realized how hurt she's making me feel. She's just upset her grams dying and being the witch to take on her gram's duties. I could understand that. But, what she said, it actually had me thinking. Or rather, questioning, on my next moves.

Being her uncalmly cheery self, she leaned forward, grasping me in a tight hug. One that I couldn't get the energy to return. So I simply nodded my head, as she released me. The blood in my vain's were pulsing eratically, having the sudden urge to just **scream**! She walked past me, glancing back once, winking my way, before heading off in the direction she came.

_'The end of the week'_ - I felt the wind repeat against my ear; brushing my skin with the lightest of touches, sending small chills down my spine. Unfortunally, or probably fortunally, no tears came. There were no more left. None that could be shed today, perhaps another day, but I was spent for the rest of the day. Shoulder slightly slumped, I walked back to my car. As I had made it there, opening the door, I noticed my cell phone blinking. New messages, no doubt. Sitting in the drivers seat, I picked it up. Pressing the button, I skimmed the names that were listed.

Matt. Aunt Jenna. Jeremy. And another contact that didn't have a name.

_Hey, I never got a text back. You ok? Call me asap. - Matt._

_Elena, where are you? Call me so I know your alright! - Aunt Jenna._

I went to read Jeremy's message, but a male's voice broke my train of thought.

"Did you get my text?"

I quickly looked up, gripping my phone tighter unconciously.

"W-What're you doing here, Jeremy?" I wonderd, out-loud. Taking quick notie on how my phone broke at the beginning, and mentally kicking myself for letting it.

He shrugged, coming towards the car and leaning on it next to me.

"Jenna was worried about you. She called you abunch of times, so then she settled for just texting you. Go figure you'll ge that." He laughed, ended the last part jokingly.

This morning Jeremy was acting like a total asswhole to me. His hatred seeping into his voice when he yelled at me. Now he was actually making jokes and laughing next to me. What had changed since then? I just couldn't help but ask.

"Um, are you okay, Jeremy?" I questioned, idioticly. Completely dumbfounded.

He gave me a side-ways glance, smirking lightly at my confused expression, before going into 'caring brother mode'.

"Well, Aunt Jenna came into my room when you left. Told me what's been going on with you. You and Stefen havn't been very into eachother much lately. Your friends are all busy. Even Jenna said she's been putting alot of time into spending it with Mr. Saltzman." He started, looking sadly at me. Before continueing, "And I just saw you with Bonnie. She's having you choose between your guys friendship or the 'vamps'. And sadly, I just realized you have alot going on in your life. All this bullshit and drama and just hell," He paused momentarily, gazing fully at me with such sorrow and pain, that I had to look away. "And you really don't need my extra added stress in your life."

Keeping my head turned away from him, I decided I would have to yell at Aunt Jenna later for doing something I told her not too. I really didn't need this tearful apology now. I trembled slightly, wanting nothing more then to leave.

"I guess you don't want me making any huge confession and apolgies that'll make you cry again, but I just want you to know that, I'm here for you sis." He smiled awkwardly, never having to really do this before. But feeling nothing but pride, in doing what was right. I smiled, a sad one, but it was there none-the-less. Jumping out the car, I turned to Jeremy, gripping him into a death hug, just needing comfort now. Instantly, Jeremy's arms wrapped around me, in sibling love. And for a moment, I felt almost at peace. But something was still off. Stefen and Damon. I had to decide what I planned to do..

After a moment, Jeremy backed away, half-smiling down on me. Nudging me towards the car, he helped me in.

"Elena, I know you better then anyone. And I know you'll make the decision you feel is right. And if it doesn't feel right, don't go with it. If your friends can't except you the way you are, or if your vamp lovers can't take your life the way it is, then their not worth your time. You still have alot of people though, who love and care for you." He recited, almost as if he had been practicing that speech for awhile.

I laughed, the sound like music to my ears. And Jeremy seemed to think so too, having gave a blissful sigh.

I shut the car door and rolled my window down, winking at my brother, "Thanks Dr. Phil."

Said person chuckled, gently pushing my head back, "Go to hell."

And I laughed again. Go to hell. The words might've affected me before, but now realizing they were only ment as a joke, it amused me greatly. Jeremy stepped away, motioning for me to go. As I drove off, I called back out, "You first!"

-**BoardingHouse**-

I had gotten to the boarding house in alittle less then an hour. I decided, once I left the cemetary, to let my mind drift on the pro's and con's of mortality and immortality. But once getting to my destination, I was scared and anxious at the same time. Feeling the upmost dread coming along, I decided to just leave. Save this confrontation for another day, when I was emotionally stable. But before I could even turn the car around, I got another new text.

Are you planning on coming in, dearest Elena? Don't wanna keep me waiting ;)

The message was from the same unknown contact that text me earlier. Of course I hadn't read it, but now I knew who it was. Sighing in annoyance, I cut the engine and climbed out of the car. Trotting up to the door, I didn't even raise my fist to knock, before it was pulled open. And there stood an icy-blue eyed, dark-haired, vampire. Wearing his usual jeans and dark t-shirt.

"Damon." I commented, shining my phone up to let him know that I knew it was him.

He smirked, devishly, "It's impossible that you'd have expected anyone better."

I rolled my eyes, and pushed my way past him, being extra careful to not touch him. Accidently or not.

"Hey now, as I recall, you weren't invited in." He stated, winking at me, crossing his arms in fake frusteration.

I ran my hands up and down my human frame, "I don't need to be."

He wiggled his eye-brows, running his eyes over my body, "Yet." He reminded, as if the human part of me would soon be gone one day. And then I would really have to be invited in.

I slightly tensed, the thoughts of why I was here, coming back to me in one big slap to the face. Some part of me wanted to just walk right back out the door I came in from. No explanation of my visit, no reason why I had to leave just as fast as I came. It was so simple, yet not something easily accomplished. Espicially with a vampire only a few feet away from me.

Damon looked me over oncemore, before walking casually over to the mini bar, making himself a nice glass of scotch.

"So what is it I can do for you, Elena?" He inquired, coming around to seat himself in the arm chair across from where I stood. His eyes were focused on my face, too intently, if I had to say.

I shifted my weight onto my left foot, looking awkwardly away, while still managing a sarcastic reply. "Isn't it obvious? I came to see you, of course."

'Well, really, it was only half-sarcastic. I did come here to see him, but also Stefen as well.' I sighed, wrapping my arms around myself.

As if reading part of my mind, he pointed to the sofa, motioning for me to sit down. When not obeying, he frowned slightly. "Damn, if Steffy told you to sit, you'd have done it no questions asked."

I glared, "Are you calling me a pushover?"

Damon smirked, while taking a sip of his drink. "Not at all. But I would like it if you used less self-restraint with me. Almost takes the fun out of being with you."

I frowned deeply. I wasn't fun to be around? Was I so lost in my own world, I was boring in reality? Sighing defeatidly, I sank down into the sofa, rocking my head back to rest. Gazing at the ceiling, I quietly asked, "When's Stefen gonna be back?"

Damon paused a moment to think, then chuckled drly. "What? Tired of being with me already?"

I gave a small, barely there, smile. Shaking my head, "Of course not, Damon. I absolutely love being with you."

Even thought mentally wrecked, I was still able to joke around. Only Damon could make that possible. And even when I wasn't looking at him, I could still feel his arrogant smirk on me.

"Oh, so you love me now?"

I instantly shot my head up towards his direction, completely taken-aback.

"W-What?"

His smirk only widend at these new turn of events.

"Forgetful much, Elena? You said you loved me."

He leaned towards me, not close, but getting close enough to look me in the eyes. The room suddenly felt so much hotter then it had only moments before.

"I-I did not! I said I loved being with you!" I corrected, not liking how my voice started to crack.

As if his smirk couldn't get any bigger, it did. It looked as if it'd dominate his whole face.

"Aw, you love being with me too? Well, don't I feel like the luckiest man on this earth." He cooed, coming to sit next to me on the sofa. His now forgotten drink, on the stand next to the armchair.

My mind then began to fill with thoughts of Damon. His most inviting lips, over-taking my head, and how much I would just love to feel them against mine. Looking him over cautiously, I never realized just how handsome Damon is. His chest seemed to growl at me, luring me into him. He wasn't exactly ripped, but had just enough muscles to leave a girl wanting to trace her fingers around them. His amazingly striking ice-blue eyes, gazed intently at me, waiting for me to make a move. I hadn't even realized I was leaning into him, until I heard my name.

"Elena?"

At the sound of Stefen's voice, I immediately tore away from Damon, bolting up into a standing position. Blinking stupidly, I slightly backed away. Stealing a single quick glance down at Damon, who looked rather disappointed, I shifted my gaze over to the new figure in the room, who looked just as confused as I felt.

As if trying to eliminate the awkward tension in the air, Damon huffed. "Well, little brother, as always, your timing is incredibly terrible. But tell me, how was your puppy hunting?"

Damon returned to his neglected scotch; having his normal, cocky smirk on his lips. Stefen ignored his comment, and looked back at me. And boy, did I go against everything I had set today. I didn't want to be like Katherine, playing with both brothers as if either one of them didn't matter to me. But here I was, repeating histroy, somewhat. Might as well have a neon sign saying, 'Hey look, Katherine's back' ;D

I sighed, for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Uh-oh, I feel a boyfriend/girlfriend talk coming on. I'll take that as my cue to leave." Damon declared sarcasticly, rolling his, now, annoyed eyes.

Just as he turned to leave, I called out to him. "No, what I have to say, involves you too Damon."

I quickly averted my gaze, when he looked back at me questioningly.

"Please sit, both of you."

Stefen only wanting the confusion to end, obeyed without questioned. Damon did the same as well, but only with a snide comment. "You see, Elena, I followed your orders without question. I can teach, if your willing to learn." He winked at me, but when Stefen glared at him, he only chuckled amusedily.

"This is serious, Damon. Stop joking around." I shot back hottly, crossing my arms and glaring at him too.

"Well then, don't keep us waiting." He replied, narrowing his eyes.

I sat in the armchair across from them, intertwining my fingers together. My fingers slightly trembled, and I had to crushed them together alittle more, to stop it. I had come here on a mission, only to try and back out, but having been stopped, and now I was confronted by both brothers, and no where to run too. Having been caught in the act of almost kissing Damon, I thought I should start on my feelings first.

"Am I Katherine?" I asked simply, no trace of emotion shown on my features.

To say the Salvatore brothers were taken-aback was an understatement. They both had a shocked expression on their face, but Damon was quick to recover.

"What brought this random question up?"

I shook my head, "Just answer the question. . . _Please_."

Stefen soon recoverd after my plead, and smiled gently at me. A most caring and loving affection, that was solely from Stefen alone. It was always that smile that put my mind at ease. Even if only for a moment.

"You definitly are not." He reassured, the smile getting deeper, and it almost made me lose my train of thought.

Damon seeing this, cleared his thoart to stop this affection. "If that was all you wanted to ask, are we done here?"

"We are far from done. This is really important to me, Damon. I just need answers." I explained, pain crossing my face, and even though it faded just as fast as it appeared, I knew they had caught it.

Huffing loudly, he downed the rest of his scotch, motioning for me to carry on.

"Elena, my love, what is this about?" Stefen leaned towards me slightly, but I only held my hand up to stop him from moving in any further. This needed to be said, and if either brother made a move on me, I wouldn't be able to finish. Taking the time too look over each individual infront of me, Stefen and Damon Salvatore, the man I'm inlove with, and the man I care deeply about. More then a friend should.

"You're wrong." I stated, sadly.

Stefen furried his eye-brow's together, "About what?"

"I am like Katherine.."

Damon, again, interrupted. His face out was a mixture of outrage and distaste.

"You are _**nothing **_like Katherine! Elena, why would you even say that?" He snapped, quickly losing his cool.

I half-smiled. A single tear escaping past barrier, and racing down my cheek. Looks like I still had tears left, unfortunally. "How can you possibly say that, when in reality, just like Katherine, I have both Salvatore brothers wrapped around my finger."

All fell silent after that. No further explanation was needed. As much as I knew they both couldn't agrue with that, Damon had too. Even if only to defend me. Even if it was a lie.

"You _**don't **_have both brothers after you, Elena! It's _**only **_Stefen. Always has been and Always will be." Damon insisted, turning away from me and Stefen.

Stefen hadn't said anything yet, and I was curious as to his thoughts about this situation. Of course I had more to say, and I really wanted both of them to hear me out. So I didn't end up making a stupid decision. So that I'd have both of their opinions on the matter.

Continueing from where I left on, "Please hear me out." I started, watching as Damon sighed and turned back around and walked back over to the sofa, sitting as far away from Stefen and I as possible. His face hidden from view. "Stefen, I'm inlove with you. I have been since the moment I laid my eyes on you at school. You make everything seem alright in the world, the way you smile at me, makes me crazy and fall even more for you each time. You understand my life, and most of everything in it. And I couldn't have imagined my life with anyone but you. I truely do love you, Stefen." I lovingly sighed.

Stefen smiled deeply at me, the most breath-taking smile I've ever seen yet. Mouthing the words 'I love you too' back at me. I gave a soft nod. Out of the corner of my eye though, I see Damon tense considerably, ready to make dash for the exit at a moments notice. And with his speed, I knew he could get away. But he endured it, endured the lovey dovey speech I gave to his younger brother. His tolerance, thus far, was something to be admired for.

"And Damon," I murmured, focusing my attention solely on him, his eyes were on mine evenly. His face rock-solid, and emotionless. I almost frowned. "Damon, as much as you don't want to admit it, you've changed. Into someone better, then who you first started out as. We've had our fair share of good times. Like that night at Georgia and Founder's Day. You aren't just Stefen's brother, or my friend. You're more then that. I don't know exactly what that is yet, but if it means anything, I care for you very much. So much, in fact, I would do pretty much anything just to make you happy, or aleast satisfied. To have seen you hurt before, made me want to die. I literally cried the tears that you couldn't. Because it hurt me to see you hurt. Without you, Damon, my life would be as meaningless as it would be if Stefen wasn't here."

I paused for a moment, making it so that speech could sink in. And when it did, Stefen's head turned away from us, a small sad smile gracing his lips. And Damon, I couldn't exactly tell what was going on with him. He was still emotionless. So I went on;

"You both hold two very important pieces of my heart. Without them, I would most certianly fade away into nothingness. And that, is where I am like Katherine. Because I realize now, if I can't have both of you, I don't want either of you. And, I think, that's what Katherine thought. That's why she didn't come back for either of you.."

I had to stop after that, because I had almost lost it. My voice was only one word off of breaking. I didn't know if I could continue on like this. I didn't look up to see how the brother's were handling this information, I didn't want to see any hurt or confusion or depression or indecision seeping into either of their faces. I didn't have to wait long for a response though.

"Is that all?" Damon whisperd.

I shook my head, no. But I probably should have just say yes. I didn't think I could do it.

"You havn't even finished, and you already look like hell."

Stefen whipped his head around, glaring warningly at Damon. "Watch it!"

Damon snapped right back, "Watch what, brother? Hadn't you already said this might happen? Hadn't you already known she was bound to bring it up sometime? But something's off. This is too soon, I havn't even begun to make a real concrete move yet on Elena, and she's already confessing her feelings out to me. Something must have happend to bring this up, what was it, Elena?"

I swiftly looked up at the Salvatore Brother's, they were both standing tall, Stefen glaring dangerously at Damon, and Damon staring intently at me. I realized I had nothing left to hide, so I confessed.

'Well isn't just confession day.' I inwardly groaned.

"I ran into Bonnie today. . ." I drifted off, averting my gaze yet again.

"What did that witch say to you?" Damon growled, visiously.

Stefen worriedly looked down at me, resting a hand on my shoulder, in a comforting way. But at this exact moment, that wasn't was I feeling.

"What did she say to you, Elena? Weren't you guys in a fight?"

I nodded. "To make a long story short, she wanted me to choose between our friendship and . . . you guys."

And that's when Damon flipped. He moved so fast to the front door, I hadn't even realized he left, until Stefen had him pinned to the door, by his thoart.

"**Let go, Stefen!**" Damon hissed, gripping Stefen's hand, twisting it until he let go, he took the chance greedily, and spun around, wrenching the door open, nearly having it fall of its henges, before Stefen slammed the door shut again. Pieces of wood chips, flew through the air. Damon whipped back around, his face transforming into that of a crazed vampire, ready to kill. I suddenly grew fearful, as Stefen's face did the same. And they were both trying to over-power the other.

Their was kicking, punching, throwing, crashing, pinning, blood here and there, just fighting. And I hated it. If there were ever a time for me to sink away into nothingness, it would be now. I had confessed into loving/caring for both brothers, had told them who I really am, and all they could do was fight about it? Even if it was only Damon. Suddenly I wasn't fearful, I wasn't scared, frightend, a complete mess. I would furious, annoyed, frusterated. Glaring daggers at both males infront of me, I screamed!

"**STOP IT!**"

And they were off of eachother and that instant. Both looking directly at me; one with worry and the other irritated.

"You havn't even heard the rest of the story, and you guys are already starting in! I realized it doesn't matter what Bonnie said! I apologized so many times for any bad happenings that occured when her and her grams were with us. I told her sorry for everything. If she still doesn't want to be my friend after that, then screw it! But I'm not gonna let her sit here and tell me how to live my life, and who to have in my life! If she doesn't like it, then I guess she wasn't a real friend to begin with!" I shouted, so loud, my thoart felt raw. And in dire need of a nice cool drink. Hm, boy did that scotch on the other side of the room, look tasty right about now.

Their faces soon began to relax, and in no time, they were looking around the room, the hallway looked like a complete wreck. Stefen was ashamed of his behavior, obviously. But Damon on the other hand, only shrugged his shoulders.

Stefen walked up to me, kissing me gently on my forehead and then bringing me close in his warm embrace. I sighed contently, but after a moment, I backed away. Stefen noticing my actions, nodded his head reluctantly. I smiled, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. To which he sighed, almost happily.

I maneuvered around him, towards Damon. Standing a good few centimeter's away from him, I held my arms open. I smiled shyly up at him, earning me a small smirk as he closed the distance between us. Wrapping his arms tighting around my body, afraid that if he let go, he'd never get the chance again. I leaned back slightly, and gave him a peck on the cheek too. He winked down on me, and I wiggled out of his embrace.

"But I wasn't finished." He complianed, his eyes gazing softly at me. Well, as soft as Damon Salvatore could get.

I laughed, grabbed his hand, then Stefen's and made my way to the sofa. The fireplace was lit, and it always seemed like it never went out. Dropping on the sofa, with the brother's on either side of me, I held their hands. My cell phone had gone off aleast a 100 times while I was here, I was sure of it. But at the moment, I didn't both Stefen's and Damon's hands in my small ones, I sighed contently. Fully enjoying being in the hand's of both Salvatore Brother's.

Stefen glanced briefly at Damon and I, "What's going to happen now?"

Looking back at him evenly, I shrugged. "I already told you, I love you Stefen. But I care for Damon. That's just how it is."

Damon looked down at me from the corner of his eye, smirking. "I suppose only time will tell then."

Stefen nodded, "I guess it will."

Now staring at Stefen fully, Damon dead-panned. "Then you should know, little brother, I plan to fight for Elena. No matter what. And I don't plan on holding back."

I froze._'Was this part of what I was saying?'_

Said person gave a determined look, "As will I, Damon."

Smirking, as if already gaining victory, Damon turned back away.

"Then may the best man win."

"Agreed."

_Dear Diary,_

_I suddenly felt like a prize to be won. And as much as that thought should have botherd me, it didn't. I was with both male's whom I had unconditional love for, male's that I would kill just to please. I realized Katherine and I were alike. Even if only in our love for the Salvatore Brother's. I seen what she favored about each of them. Stefen was sweet, caring, always had your best intrests at the fore-front of his mind, even if you couldn't see it. Damon was amusing, fun to be around, the 'life' of the party. Per say. He had his moments where you can imagine him being a nice, cuddly teddy bear. Putting them both together, they made the perfect vampire. That any girl would be lucky to have. Where I got so lucky, was beyond me. I didn't care what people said about it. Didn't care what 'rep' I would have now. I was just being honest. I love both brothers. There is no denying it. Suddenly, the thought of a forever with them, didn't scare me as much as it had before. Because I knew either way, I would be happy. If you'd asked me if I could, would I have changed the out-come of my life, if I had known? I would look at you with a smile, and say ' I wouldn't.' Because even if all else fail's, all I'd have to do is look on both side's of me, find both my hand's intertwined with their's, and everything would be alright again. :)_

_~Elena._

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Alrighty, so how was it? :'D Hopefully not too bad. Please forgive me of any other error's I had in here. (': Review's are greatly appreciated, thank you :)


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